Today, it does not matter that I dropped biochemistry...twice...laughing through an entire exam for one of the classes simply because it was fill in the blank, and my mind was exactly that...blank. Today, no one cares that I cried during my chemistry final, which came back-to-back behind a biology final, and had to have my TA's help coaxing me through a problem to get the test started. Today, it does not matter that my organic chemistry lab 6-step synthesis fell on the ground during step 3 and instead of taking the full grade lower for having to start over, I scraped my materials off the floor, continuing with a brown, and sometimes purple chemical, instead of a pure white substance. It is no longer important what my MCAT, my grades, or what my accomplishments up to this point were, and no one cares about the application process, or even that I was wait-listed to get in here in the first place. To quote high school musical...now, we really "are all in this together".
There is something funny about meeting people that you know are similar to you, and will be going through the same things as you, that just makes finding new friends (in less than 2 hours) and feeling at home come easily. There are no more gunners, no more people who scream "PROFESSOR" in the class without raising their hand to ask a question, and definitely, no more people who study things we are told not to study (for example, say, memorizing the amino acids in Bio 122), and mess up the curve when the professor asks about them anyway. Nope, now everyone can be defined by what I have always called myself, a "cool nerd", and in a sea of cool nerds, life is freaking fantastic.
For me, the "nerd" part of being a "cool nerd" was working in science labs in high school over the summer, being thoroughly excited to dissect a pig in high school (and even asking the teacher if I could look at the brain), and even loving one lab in college biology (like all of the other pre-meds) where you got to pee in a cup, and bring your pee back into a room with everyone, to test/measure the effects of water, control, and caffeine on your kidneys' output (I promise it really was not as weird as it sounds). Yet, this "nerdy-ness" began long ago, in elementary school, back when I got a D in Citizenship. No, this grade was not because I was a bad friend, a loner, or even a budding bully or criminal (except that one boy I did like to beat up on the playground), but instead, I failed Citizenship for being the real life Hermoine Granger, only I think Hermoine was a little more curteous to other students. I used to sit in class raising my hand, knowing the answer to every question, and if I was not called on, I often screamed out the correct response, in spite of the teacher. Truth be told, I often was ignored and sometimes the teacher would rather say the answer herself than call on me (can you say…RUDE?), but this “unsportmanlike conduct” frequently got me kicked out of class. You can imagine my parents surprise when their avid reader, straight-A, child failed at something. Yet, this grade was only the beginning of my ejection for being a “know-it-all” as this behavior continued throughout my education. Soon, my blatent disregard for the professor turned into class being used for "social hour" and this is where the "cool" kicks in. Bored in class, I would often spend the time talking to my friends and laughing at gossip (even though in middle school, I still would get kicked out of class), as I found this much more interesting than learning what I already knew. I soon found out that there was more to life than being just a smart kid, and it was important to have others to talk to, to laugh with, and to balance you as a person. Figuring out it was possible to be a "cool nerd" and live your life with this balance, I, like many of my classmates, have strived to be the type of person that you would say "YOU want to be a DOCTOR" to, simply because you are shocked that we have fun, and yet, still are pre-med. You may think this look of shock would offend me, but, as long as you aren't looking like that (or saying it) because you think I am actually a dumb-ass, I consider it a compliment.
Yet, even if the white coat does represent a fresh start, erasing all the annoying/bad steps in the past required for getting into medical school, it does not only represent sunshine and lollipops. As if the pressure of having someone automatically think I know what I am talking about, simply because I have on this symbolic piece of clothing that says to anyone..."hey, I am a doctor" is not enough, I am also a member of the 200th class (the bicentennial at Yale Med) and have the "honor" of representing the past and the future of medicine at Yale, if only through the special patch on my coat and the nicer Alumni gift of a stethoscope. Ultimately, it is a damn good thing I chose the school with no grades, and virtually no exams, because that pressure...will never really externally translate (internal, that is a whole different story). "Cool nerds" just don't compete.
yay! congrats! oh and the pee lab was the best.
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