You Know How People Have These Little Habits That Get You Down?

As I have been exercising more lately, I have become more and more aware of just how annoying people are in the gym. Every morning, and sometimes also in the afternoon, I work out in the little gym in my apartment (Little= 2 ellipticals, 2 treadmills, 1 bike, and a few weights), and even though it is tiny, I am almost always alone or am one of two people in there. Therefore, since it is usually just me "people watching" another person, I have become very good at figuring out their creepy exercise habits. Enter my three culprits of annoyance:

Person 1. This is a female, mid-twenties to mid-thirties, who spends about 30 minutes exercising on the stationary bike. This would be OK, and would not even close to bother me, if she ever, and I mean ever, got off the phone. Seriously, if it is just me and you, and I keep giving you the death stare, do me the decency of SHUTTING UP. Oh, and if she finally does shut up, she goes back to reading what appears to be a 500 page novel, but what is actually 500 pages on...get this...WEDDING PLANNING. Oh yes, I can see the words "Chapter 6: Save the Date" over my shoulder, and then she will use her phone to take notes on key passages. Yet, after her brief reading interlude of silence, she then picks up the phone again, and this time, she starts balling to a person on the other line about picking a wedding planner ( I can only hope the person is a friend, and not her husband, because I would absolutely leave a Bridezilla). I didn't know that my elliptical transported me to the WE network, but whenever I see her and her overly Lilly clothes, I want out. FAST.

Person 2. This is a man, mid-forties, who comes in to work out every morning and just does weights. Like the biking, this would not bother me at all, that is of course, if he did not spend his time watching the TV on MY machine as he does his weights. Yes, that's right, he casually positions himself right behind me (and my sweaty elipticalling self) and watches my mini TV (you know, the kind attached to my machine) for a good 20 minutes. I seriously did not know that he could have such a craving for Saved By the Bell, The Real Housewives, E!, or CMT, but...perhaps he is gay. Every time I look over my shoulder as to suggest I feel creeped out by his presence, he looks away and pretends he is working out in the mirror. PSHHH, turn away all you want, I'm on to you creeper.

Person 3. This is a girl, mid twenties (or even younger), who gets on the elliptical next to me, can't get the TV to work, and then proceeds to listen to her music instead. Once again, perfectly harmless, except, she decides to... SHUT HER EYES. Yes, for an entire hour, she rides the elliptical with her eyes closed (not even opening them once to get her bearings). She even sometimes bends her back and sort of glides up the hill, all while casually rocking out to her headphones. This is the most bizarre thing I have ever watched, and even though I spent probably 45 minutes of her hour workout staring at her, she kept going, like no one was watching her sleep....

In the end, while I am all for creeping on people (and do it quite often myself), I prefer the gym to be a sanctuary where I can just run and forget about my day, annoying people, and any stress I might have. As my angry eyes and frequent stare downs have not worked in the past (too sign languagey I suppose), I might have to resort to something else to make the annoying behaviors stop....(cough cough death darts perhaps?). Side note, I can't find a video to showcase the "death dart" and have you realize it is in no way a form of murder. It is, instead, the kind of dart that you can shoot like through a straw from across the room and the person that you hit just ends up sedated... and quiet. This probably seems random, and slightly cruel, but there was this girl in my biology class freshman year who would never raise her hand and would simply scream out "PROFESSOR", and my friend and I always thought she deserved this sort of treatment. I mean...to be honest, "They all have it coming".